Arion vulgaris

How could we not cover this important international story? Sure it’s borderline “click-bait” but that doesn’t mean that this slug invasion couldn’t come our way. And you’re going to need to be armed with serious beer.

First the Bad News…

Sex-mad six-inch (!) slugs have invaded Great Britain and they’re wreaking havoc over there. It’s suspected that these giant monstrosities may have entered the UK in salad leaves, but however they made the journey, they’re a total drag.

They’re huge. They’re hideous and they produce twice as much slime as the local slugs. And they’re bright orange (so there’s really no ignoring them).

Plus they are sex-crazed!  And when not gorging themselves on decayed organic matter and animal carcasses, or sliming their way across the once pristine English countryside, they’re engaging in all kinds of sluggish sexual antics – which understandably, only leads to more of these things!

And if that’s not bad enough, UK scientists are now concerned that these giant slugs, (the appropriately named Arion vulgaris), might begin mating with Great Britain’s native slug community, potentially creating a whole new breed of SUPER SLUGS capable of withstanding that island nation’s range of hot and cold weather.

Now the Good News…

Beer positioned strategically might be the final line of defense against this mighty alien invasion!

Speaking to the UK’s Telegraph, Dr. Leslie Noble from the University of Aberdeen advised “that a saucer of beer was the best way to eradicate the pests. Home brew is the best, but it’s quite labor intensive.”

Slurm fights invasive slug slime

As we’ve explained recently, slugs, like so many of us, have a particular fondness for beer. They’re drawn to it, luxuriate in it, and eventually drown in it.

So once again, beer stands vigilant, a final defense against the invading hoards that now threaten the United Kingdom.

And if you don’t think they can’t come our way – you’ve never seen a salad bar. So plan ahead and be ready for this inevitable incursion, because it’s gonna happen…

Keep your families close and your eyes to the east because these slugs have just begun their conquest and clearly have global intentions.

And don’t forget to arm yourself with the serious beer – because this is a serious situation.

—

Thx to the Drinks Business for their good humored lead on this…

Slug image credit: W Fischer