A “Damaged” Thanksgiving Craft Beer Poem

It’s Thanksgiving Day…So we’re republishing an extremely damaged holiday poem by Dave Stratton, ACB’s LA Correspondent, who also does stand-up comedy when he’s not covering the American craft beer waterfront.

 

Let’s all feast and gorge ourselves for it’s that festive time of year,

And now you have the daunting task of choosing the right beer.

Your family and friends arrive and are expecting some delicious brews.

Good thing your palate is so fine-tuned that your craft pairings will never lose.

 

You know your family so well…all their hopes…all their fears.

This night will run better with just the right beers.

You have your traditionalists…Uncle Jeb and Grandpa Milsner.

Your best bet for them is a crisp, hoppy pilsner.

 

Aunt Sarah is saucy…with more drama than mind.

She’ll stop complaining about her ex after a couple of barley wines.

Cousin Chet is a vet… who claims to have lost his hand to a “turban.”

His war stories might get more honest after a stout aged with bourbon.

 

Brothers Tom and Rick are always gloating about their fancy lawyer careers.

A few Double IPAs will shut them up and have them back on their rears.

Great grandma’s stuffing will help you get your “taste on.”

Swish down that turkey with a classic Saison.

 

The main course is served…with the dishes come the pairings.

Then you suddenly notice that Rick’s wife’s eyes are a starring?

Don’t get distracted…you mighty Casanova,

Because you’ve just the right beers for all these yummy casserolas.

 

Start round two with some pumpkin pie and maybe a gingerbread stout.

You probably should drink some water now, but it’s LA, we’re in a drought!

Great Aunt Millie’s apple crisp is so good it makes you tingly to the crotch.

No need for embarrassment…just hit that bomber aged on of Scotch!

 

The meal is done…and your pairings all came off without a hitch.

You took everyone’s keys away…so they won’t drive into a ditch.

Your family is happy…you’re getting raves and not rants.

Another craft beer fueled Thanksgiving is now thankfully in the past.

 

Happy Thanksgiving from the ACB Crew!