ACB Sports Presents: The Wild Card Round, Part 2

The Wild Card round of the NFL Playoffs begins this weekend, and if you missed our predictions for today’s game, you might want to check them out before placing any bets. Here is how the second round is going to break down. These picks are real, so feel free to use them for whatever pseudo-legal venture you have going (just make sure your mom knows it was your idea).

Sunday, Jan. 5

1:05 p.m. ET — San Diego Chargers at Cincinnati Bengals (CBS) 

The Bengals: a team that played well all year, but sputtered at times, with a good defense and an extremely inconsistent quarterback. The Chargers: a team that had to scrap to just make the playoffs. These two go head-to-head Sunday in Cincinnati for a chance to bring consistency to their season.

The Team:

Football is all about statistics: the team with the better score wins, usually because of an upper hand in turnovers, yards, yadda yadda yadda. But it is also a game of momentum and testicular fortitude. Cincinnati had an outstanding defense most of the season, ranking 5^th in points allowed, 3^rd in total yards allowed, and 3^rd in turnovers, despite the loss of key players on their defense. The problem they face is their offense, namely the turnover woes of Andy Dalton. While they are 8^th in passing yards and 3^rd in passing touchdowns, they are also 7^th in interceptions thrown. They can breathe a little easier though, as the Chargers are ranked 28^th in passes intercepted and 28^th in quarterback rating.

Winner: While the Chargers may pick up some steam, the Bengals are 8-0 at home, and the passing game should be able to hold their own. Bengals win this one.

The Mascots:

Cincinnati has a frickin’ tiger named “Who Dey.” A tiger. Dude. It’s a tiger.

The Chargers? Well, the chargers have “Boltman” – a guy that looks like the Mac Tonight, the old McDonald’s mascot.

Winner: I would take a Bengal tiger over a moon that plays the piano. 

The Beer:

Do we even have to discuss it? San Diego wins hands down. Places like Stone Brewing Company, Ballast Point Brewing Company and Coronado Brewing Company are enough on their own.

Winner: No offense to Cincinnati, but San Diego wins this round by a landslide.

Prediction:

Cincinnati 31, San Diego 24

4:40 p.m. ET — San Francisco 49ers at Green Bay Packers (FOX)

It may seem like luck that the best game of the week is the last one played, but do you think the NFL doesn’t have a master plan? Come on…

The Team:

Let me be clear up front – I am a born and raised, good or bad, diehard Seahawks fan. That being said, this game is the one I am anticipating the most. Two of the league’s most interesting and exciting offenses face off in the playoffs for the second year in a row, with the 49ers coming in with a six game winning streak, 5^th in yards allowed, and 3^rd in overall points allowed. If you didn’t know, their defense is pretty good. Except, they are facing a guy named Aaron Rodgers. Not sure if you have heard of him or not, but he had taken the team to 5-2 before getting injured, and then won last week after returning. While we can’t actually predict what will happen here, we can tell you that the 49ers defense is better, and a healthy 49ers offense will cause trouble on a sub-par Green Bay defense.

Winner: Ugh. San Francisco.

The Mascots:

San Francisco’s mascot is a 49er (a guy who went west for gold) – who seems to grow a beard…which is creepy.

The Packers have no mascot – unless you count the remnants of Brett Favre’s ego, or a giant block of limburger.

Winner: It’s like Green Bay didn’t even show up for this one…

The Beer:

Look, Wisconsin has a lot of really great breweries like Karben4 and New Glarus Brewing, but this is about Green Bay. And while they have a couple local brewers (such as Titletown Brewing Company), they have no real comparison to San Francisco and 21st Amendment Brewery or Almanac Beer Company. (Oh and Firestone Walker Brewing Company is just down the freeway…)

Winner: San Francisco

Prediction:

San Francisco 34, Green Bay 31