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The Wild Card round of the NFL Playoffs begins this weekend, and with it, the hopes of teams, the excitement of fans, and of course, a whole crap load of Vegas’s money. Here is how this first round is going to break down. These picks are real, so feel free to use them for whatever pseudo-legal venture you have going (just make sure your mom knows it was your idea).
Saturday, Jan. 4
4:35 p.m. ET — Kansas City Chiefs at Indianapolis Colts (NBC)
This matchup pits a kinda racist mascot against a baby horse. What could be better than that! In all seriousness, though, this matchup could be a good one.
The Teams:
Kansas City is known for their defense, and rightfully so, as they were the 5th in scoring defense, 2nd in turnovers, and 7th in passing yards allowed. This matches up well against the Colts, who were only 15th in points scored and 17th in passing yards. The Colts also have nearly no rushing game whatsoever and will face a tough test on Saturday. The Chiefs can run, and will run, all over the Colts, with Indianapolis fans questioning the trade for Trent Richardson, and beginning to make comparisons between Andrew Luck and Peyton Manning’s playoff performances.
Winner: Kansas City
The Mascots:
Kansas City has K.C. Wolf, a flipping wolf. What does this have to do with a “chief”? Is this a vague “Dances With Wolves” reference? Then…Tatanka.
Indianapolis has Blue, a (you guessed it) horse.
Winner: Kansas City, I guess. Doesn’t make any damn sense, but a wolf could beat up a horse.
The Beer:
Neither city is a beer mecca. Kansas City is behind the trend in craft beer. Data provided by the Brewers Association shows that the average number of people per brewery in America is 127,300. According to KC Beer Blog, “As of Jan. 1, 2013, Kansas City was far behind the trend, supporting one brewery for every 226,700 people.” They do have a lot opening soon, but as of now, even Boulevard Brewing Company can’t pull them ahead of Indianapolis and brewers such as Sun King Brewery. This really is a wash.
Winner: Push
Prediction:
Kansas City 24, Indianapolis 17
8:10 p.m. ET — New Orleans Saints at Philadelphia Eagles (NBC)
This is going to be the best matchup of the weekend for anyone that loves offensive production, as New Orleans brings their high-powered passing game to Philly, who has the newest craze in offensive schemes that had them lead the league in rushing.
The Teams:
Philly led the league in rushing with 2,566 yards, and was tied for 2nd in rushing touchdowns. They were 4th in points scored, and 2nd in total yards. The Saints? 4th in total yards, 10th in points, 2nd in passing yards, and 2nd in passing touchdowns. Their defenses? Philly has given up the 16th most points, while New Orleans is 4th in points allowed. This game may really come down to who has the ball last.
Winner: The New Orleans defense should be able to force more stops than Philly.
The Mascots:
New Orleans has 2 mascots: Gumbo the Dog and Sir Saint (who looks like a Rocky and Bullwinkle villain).
Philadelphia has (again, pretttttty basic) a frickin’ eagle.
Winner: I will take the 2-on-1 of a dog and Dick Dastardly over an eagle…
The Beer:
New Orleans offers us places like Abita Brewing Company, but Philly plays host to Yards Brewing Company and Dock Street Brewing, which gave us the first U.S./French collaboration.
Winner: Philadelphia
Prediction:
New Orleans 31, Philadelphia 27
