Hey no one’s perfect…as we at American Craft Beer.com understand better than most, having enthusiastically acted on more bad ideas than we care to think about. That said, there are some ideas out there that are so monumentally bad and so misguided as to boggle the mind, allowing us to proclaim that “at least we didn’t come up with that!”
So welcome to another BAD IDEAS IN BREWING…and sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up.
A Warsaw-based individual, Wojciech Mann (Keyser Söze anyone?) has set up an Indiegogo page for the cultishly named, “The Order of Yoni” to raise funds for a brewing exercise that is just “so wrong” in so many ways.
Their goal is to brew what they refers to as the world’s first vaginal beer, which invites you to “explore femininity in its purest form,” and the site describes the beer’s essence this way:
“Imagine the essence of a woman in one bottle of beer. Impossible? Nothing is impossible!”
(Cue up the cheesy porn music because “The Order of Yoni” is just getting started)
The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfers woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into a dance with lovely angel.”
But after that charming soft-core porn intro…they get into the get into the real “nuts and bolts” of how your contributions might be used, should you choose to fund them.
Product Safety A Priority
Their primary funding priority is “product safety” – so we’re at least partially relieved:
“The crucial part of the project is to ensure the safety of the product. The procedures of isolation and preparation prevent other bacteria and viruses from surviving, providing the final product clean and healthy. In addition, we examine the final product on presence of other viruses and bacteria, the findings will be published on our website to make you completely sure it’s healthy.”
But they’ll also give you stuff!
Contributor Incentives Offered
As part of their campaign to generate the funding necessary to make vaginal beer a reality, The Order of Yoni is offering all kinds of incentives.
For contributing just two Euros you can have your name added to something they call the vaginal beer “Wall of Fame,” that your family and your biographer can access at any time
For € 1400 Euro they’ll send you a pallet of 144 bottles of vaginal beers along with a poster signed by the campaign’s model, Alexandra Brendlova.
And for €10000 Euro they’ll brew you a personal vaginal beer using your girlfriend’s bacteria!
ACB has always been big supporters of vaginas. They occupy a special place in any civilized society – but that place is not in our beer.
And the idea of beer brewed “with the essence of woman” is so incredibly misguided (not to mention cave-dwelling sexist) as to boggle the mind – and will stand for all time as a truly BAD IDEA IN BREWING.
Like we said, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up…