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Hey, no one’s perfect, and we at American Craft Beer.com understand that better than anyone, having enthusiastically acted on more bad ideas than we care to think about. That said, there are some ideas out there that are so monumentally bad and so misguided as to boggle the mind, allowing us to proclaim, “at least we didn’t come up with that!”
So welcome to the latest in our ongoing series – BAD IDEAS IN BREWING… and we’re blaming the Italians for this one.
Spreadable Beer
A United Kingdom newspaper recently highlighted a new food phenomenon that had made its way into a posh London shop – spreadable beer. According to The Register, “Italian foodies have invented a way for beer lovers to enjoy their favorite drink for breakfast – without the risk of being forced to attend those troublesome Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.”
Obviously this report left us intrigued and concerned at the same time…
Birra Spalmabile is billed as the world’s first spreadable beer. This questionable concoction was developed jointly by the Chocolatier Napoleone and Cittareale brewery Alta Quota, and they are currently unleashing it on the world. It’s been described in several ways – all of them different and equally worrisome. Italy Magazine reports that its makers view Birra Spalmabile as a “sweet, beer-scented jelly” that they go on to suggest would be awesome slathered on your toast. Others have described the spreadable beer as having a more pate-like consistency (and we’re not comfortable with that direction either).
We were heartened to discover that they are currently offering two different variations of spreadable beer – so should you find one of them repugnant, well, there’s always the other. One is made using the brewery’s Omid Dark Ale, and the other one is made with their Greta Blonde Ale. Both spreads are 40% craft beer – so at least they’ve got that going for them.
A Step Back For the Italian People
We at ACB have long been known to cut the Italians a lot of slack – after all, they are responsible for the invention of the espresso machine, Nutella, and the newspaper. We find the Italian language to be vaguely appealing and their people generally attractive. Like most Americans, we’re big fans of Italian cooking – and consider The Godfather movies to be invaluable additions to the pop lexicon.
That said, we are deeply disturbed that a country that has gotten so much right (okay, there was Mussolini, but that was a one-off) would ever come up with an idea as demonstrably misguided as spreadable beer. And we have to ask – did they ever really plan to market this product to their own people or were their directives darker and more insidious? Maybe Birra Spalmabile is planned for “export-only” – a Trojan horse product designed to bring down lesser cultures that don’t know any better (the British come readily to mind).
Bottom Line
We can think of a lot of things that we might enjoy spreading on our English muffin in the morning – but beer’s not one of them. And if it is for you…we think it’s time for you to take a good hard look at how you’re living your life. Clearly beer was never brewed to be spread on toast – nor toast to be flavored with beer. They exist is separate taste realms and common sense dictates that they should never be allowed to cross-pollinate.
Spreadable Beer is a conceptual disaster that we can never condone and another truly worthy addition to BAD IDEAS IN BREWING.
Need More Bad Ideas?
BAD IDEAS IN BREWING – SOFT-SERVE HEAD
BAD IDEAS IN BREWING – BUDWEISER’S BOWTIE-SHAPED CAN
BAD IDEAS IN BREWING – COLD TURKEY BREAKFAST BEER
BAD IDEAS IN BREWING – THE HEINEKEN CUBE
